So, when I'm not hieing off for covert ops in the town I grew up in, fending off grumpy opposing attorneys, watching as the universe lays down its hand to show me that the deck was majorly stacked in its favor, or figuring out how to improve on the various activities in which I partake, I enjoy things like sitting down and reading a book that can open my horizons... Or, in some cases, 6 books more or less in the same time stretch. After the whole thing surrounding my birthday, I grabbed 6 books from my local library and and plunged head first into 3 of them. One of the books I grabbed is The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition by Gary Chapman. One of my girlfriends had actually recommended the original (the author did not write the singles book first), and had explained about the theory within the book. I'll gloss over it, because I do agree with the idea of the five love languages. I do not agree with some of the other ideas the author touts, and it's those other ideas that prompted this piece.
First things first, the different love languages. According to Mr. Chapman, they are (in no particular order):
-words of affirmation
-touch
-gifts
-quality time
-acts of service
And all people can give and receive love in these five languages. Each person has different primary languages where they can give and receive love (for instance, I've found that I receive love from words of affirmation and quality time, while I tend to give in touch and acts of service). The author suggests that one of the best ways to keep a relationship going is to find your partner's primary love language, and make sure you express love in such a way that the other person can understand it. Now, this I can not only understand, I can get behind. It makes sense that different people experience love in different ways, and what can be giving love to one person can not affect another, even though the first person is speaking in their primary love language. I can see how that could make or break a relationship.
The first thing I read in that book that struck me as not only near-sighted, but in some cases just wrong was the idea that the only relationship that could really last was a monogamous relationship. Now, I know that quite a few people identify as monogamous, and are quite happy with just having one partner (I am one such person). However, "one size fits all" relationships don't work on the world at large. Hell, some of my best friends are quite happily polyamorous, and from what I've seen they've made it work. In multiple cases the author touts that "research indicates: 'monogamous individuals committed to one lifetime partner are the most physically and emotionally satisfied people sexually.'" He does not cite the studies he used to give this data, and he does not say when the research was published. As a critical thinker, this leads me to believe that the research being quoted has since been invalidated by new studies, or the studies used are rather out of date for the time and audience being addressed. Either way, something's hinky.
The second thing that bothered me (and ultimately made me stop reading the book until right before it was due. I actually could not finish it...) had something to do with "making the first move to repair any ruptures with your family". In some cases, maybe. But in mine? Hahahaha..... Right, no.
In short, the first half of the book that explains the love languages and how to determine what your partners love language is are rather accurate, and could possibly help with some relationships. The rest of it, though, severely detracted from the first part of the book. All in all, would only somewhat recommend. But if you're curious, go for it.
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