Dreams

I will admit, I've started this post twice before, and deleted it each time, because by the time I sit down to actually write it, the dream that prompted the post has faded enough in my mind to the point where telling it no longer does me any good, because who wants to tell a story they can't remember?

There is one thing I can always remember about some of my weirder dreams. They always seem to take place in the house where the abuse occurred. The one that is prompting this post is no different. I could see the den area where one of the scenes took place, and it was like my parents had never moved from the house, down to the television that used to be down there, the game consoles their son has, and the futon people were sitting on. However, in this dream they had replaced the solid white front door with a thick, double paned glass door that opened like a screen door. This is important to remember later on.

There was a killer in our midst. By the time they had gained attention, they had already claimed one victim, a girl I had known in high school. All signs pointed to the killer being part of my video game community, but the problem was, they were skilled at keeping their nefarious activities under wraps. Things came to a head when the pillars of the community were at my house. We were in the basement; they were playing what might have been Smash brothers on the Super Nintendo (granted, this is a dream. I have no idea if there was a Smash brothers for Super Nintendo. My mind is weird.), and I kept trying to get them to listen to the fact that someone was dead, and all signs pointed to the killer being someone in our group. After multiple times of them not listening to me, I grabbed the cord and told them that if they wouldn't pay attention, I'd yank the power and cut their game. They told me I wouldn't, but I did. Even then, they didn't listen.

The series of events blurs here. At one point I had to jump off a building into a pool of water and swim for a bottle of wine that had fallen, all while still arguing about the fact that one of my friends was dead, and something needed to be done.

The next thing I know, I'm being followed back to my house by the killer. He has discovered that I'm onto him, and even though I had not deduced who he was, being tailed home after making a ruckus can bring out the paranoia in anyone. I park my car and sprint to the house, making sure to lock and deadbolt the front door, all the while cursing my parents for their bright idea of replacing the front door with a glass one. I go down the stairs to the basement and hide to the best of my ability, hoping that if the killer can't see me, that I'll be safe.

No such luck. The killer walked up to the door, messed with it for a few minutes, and opened the door. Not only had  my parents put on a new door, they had not made sure that the door would be secure. So, with the bravado and rage that my dream self expresses so well, I go up the stairs, yank the door back shut, and tell the killer I now know who he is, I know what he's up to, and I won't let him get away with it.

... And then I wake up.

This is not the first or the last time I will have a dream like this. In point of fact, I think the only span of time when I did not have these vivid and dark dreams was when I was in Italy. There my dreams were always that I was back in the States, and needed to get back to Italy for work.

So why am I engaging in a subconscious tell-all? Mostly, it's to help those closest to me understand. These are the gist of dreams I've had for as long as I can remember. I've had those flashes of dreams where it happens sometime down the road in real life, and that déjà vu feeling hits. I've also had a couple times where parts of dreams like the one I described above start happening in the real world. That's when the red alerts start sounding in my mind, and I will spend the next few days hyper aware of everything going on around me, because I don't know what parts of my dreams are going to manifest in real life. One of the times this happened, I had dreamed of being stalked by a serial killer, and so when parts of that dream started coming true...

Might sound crazy, but if a giant orange and yellow spider ever appears, I'm outta here.